Love, a word that holds both simplicity and complexity within its embrace.

A term that harbors a spectrum of emotions, from the warmth of happiness and healing to vulnerability, pain, and fear.

Love is a significant aspect of our journey that continues to shape our relationship with ourselves and others.

Throughout the ages, love has been explored through art, cultures, philosophies,and religions, and yet, its true essence remains elusive.

Love is dynamic, intangible, and often paradoxical in nature.

How can love bring immense joy and happiness in one moment, then fear and pain in the next? 

Why is love so easily given to others but often withheld towards ourselves? 

In this newsletter, we delve into the realm of radical self-love, exploring why it is an integral part of healing and how to embark on a journey of self-acceptance that can ultimately change your mindset and your life.

Unpacking Self-Love

First, let's explore self-love.

I used to believe that self-love was a box-ticking exercise to constantly feel good about myself and I subconsciously carried out these actions as a means to gain validation from others.

I also thought that going all in on loving myself was selfish, given that I was raised in a culture where putting others first was seen as a virtue.

So finding that balance between loving and serving others while caring for myself was a slippery slope.

As time goes on, I've realized now that self-love goes beyond an extensive checklist to become a better person.

It involves recognizing your own needs, values, and nurturing your well-being.

Granting yourself permission to love and accept yourself, regardless of societal expectations or whatever is going on around you, is crucial.

The truth is, you still deserve love and compassion, even when life isn’t going well.

Radical Self-Love Unveiled

Radical self-love is about embracing every single aspect of who you are—the good, the bad, and everything in between.

It is the totality of these experiences that make you unique.

It’s not conditional, where you withhold it from yourself, if you’re not doing a certain thing or being a certain way.

In my experience, once I started to associate loving myself by conditioning myself that is when it became difficult.

Choosing to love myself in my truest form was initially terrifying, but it was also the best and most liberating decision I ever made.

To finally admit that I’m a flawed and imperfect person and being okay with that.

Doing that in itself actually drowned out all the noise from others and the conditioned mind because I was no longer trying to be someone or something I am not and shedding a loving light on the parts of me, I so deeply suppressed. 

It’s as if the bondage that were holding me back, finally released when I learnt to accept myself completely. 

The Journey of Radical Self-Love

I know you may be thinking; How do you even do that?

Well, in my experience, I have boiled it down to a few things.

1. Be Honest.

The first step is being honest and having the willingness to see how things actually are. 

This first step is crucial because a lot of us may not want to unpack and look into the darker side of us. 

There’s probably feelings of shame, guilt, embarrassment and the easier approach is to deny it all.

However, denial will often lead to resistance or suppression, which can actually inhibit the growth you are seeking to experience.

Being able to see it, means you are greater than it.

Whenever fears or intrusive thoughts arise, it is actually your higher self bringing it into awareness for your self-evolution.

However, when we keep it buried, this can lead to issues such as self-loathing, anxiety, depression, self-sabotage and more.

Taking the first step to be honest with yourself takes courage and bravery, but this act of vulnerability is the catalyst for personal transformation and self-love. 

2. Cultivate Self-Awareness.

When we become self-aware, we consciously acknowledge our thoughts, emotions, behaviors and the concepts we hold about ourselves, which is, the ego.

When we become more self-aware, we gain the ability to observe the ego, its influence and recognize when it is limiting us.

Our awareness is the key that allows us to dis-identify from the ego, challenge the ego’s narratives and transcend the beliefs that perpetuate self-criticism, self-doubt and feelings of unworthiness. 

We start to develop a deeper understanding of our core essence that goes beyond the ego. 

This includes accepting the parts of ourselves we may have hidden away. 

To cultivate self-awareness, you can engage in mindful practices such as meditation, breath-work or reflective journaling. 

Give yourself a few days and simply observe your inner conversations, your thoughts and how you feel in your body. 

Note down the conditions of your life right now and your daily behaviors. 

You can also use this time to observe how your interactions with others influence your perception of yourself. 

This information is invaluable as we shed light on these aspects. 

As you continue to observe yourself, take the time to question and reflect on these observations. 

The more you understand yourself, the more you learn to love yourself. 

It is through understanding where fear and self-rejection will begin to dissolve. 

3. Practice Self-Compassion and Kindness.

Next, is practicing self-compassion and kindness. 

Our mind has been conditioned through past experiences, societal,cultural, familial influences, expectations and more. 

As a result, our mind has developed patterns of thinking, beliefs and behaviors that either help us or harm us and for most people, it’s the latter. 

We often spend our lives trying to make others happy, seeking external love and acceptance, while withholding love from ourselves, until we receive it from others.

This used to be my approach and it was a tiring, painful one until I realized that loving and accepting myself had nothing to do with anybody else. 

After being willing to look at myself and observe my inner world, I then extended compassion and kindness to every part of me that believed I wasn’t worthy. 

This compassion manifested in various ways. 

Firstly, I regulated my emotions and state of being, learning to feel safe in my own body.

I gave myself permission to let it all out emotionally, without judgment. 

It was rough at the beginning, but I felt relief afterwards. 

I started implementing breath-work into my routine. 

Breath-work revealed all the stored stress within my body and I was unaware of this, until after the session. 

I held a non-judgemental awareness of the conditioned patterns I observed in myself and implemented an inner dialogue of kindness and gentleness. 

If a negative emotion or thought would arise, I wouldn’t suppress it or dismiss it. 

I simply allowed it, felt it, let it go and accepted. 

It became a cycle of feeling, releasing and accepting. 

This process gradually became easier and more natural. 

I would engage in self-care activities that made me feel good about myself and would set healthy boundaries that honor my needs and well-being. 

I also extended kindness to myself by forgiving myself and others. 

A huge component of that is learning and growing from those experiences, then ultimately, letting it go. 

Being compassionate and kind to yourself is an on-going process that requires patience, self-reflection and care.

Through this, you allow the space for healing and love. 

Embracing Self-Acceptance

Radical self-love begins with self-acceptance and self-acceptance is the first step on the journey of self-improvement. 

Remember that, love is not an exception to you - It is your birthright. 

You are worthy and deserving of love. 

Embracing radical self love means recognizing that it goes beyond wanting to change yourself to become a better person. 

It involves loving and accepting who you are, as you are, right now. 

It’s important to understand that love is not an external experience to seek or attain - It has always resided within you. 

This acknowledgment in itself will ground you, no matter where you are in life, no matter how people treat you and whatever is happening around you because love is accessible to you right now. 

Understanding this is liberating and empowering.

Love and Light

By embracing and accepting yourself completely, you radiate in this world as a beacon of light for others too. 

As you become conscious of being love, this will transform your life and will help others that are on their own paths of self-discovery and self-acceptance. 

So let us do our part in  lighting up our world, by first showing up by loving ourselves.

Love,

Clarity.