One of the most common problems introverts face is this feeling of exhaustion when it comes to being outgoing or charismatic. 

Sometimes it feels like no matter how much you put yourself out there, or shake off that draining feeling, it's as if the whole world is not set up for people like us.

It’s not set up for us when it comes to job interviews, networking events or even social gatherings where small talk seems to dominate every interaction.

But here’s the thing: I've been an introvert my whole life but lately I’ve noticed a shift.

People are surprised to find out that I actually am and I started to wonder where, when and how this shift began.

Because, I’ve been there.

I used to avoid social situations: family gatherings, work interactions and even phone calls. But now, I’m comfortable with all of these but still embrace myself as an introvert.  

So these experiences led me to dig deeper. 

Turns out, introversion wasn't the problem. It was fear, low self-esteem and a lack of confidence.

So in this letter, I wanna go over some misconceptions about the introvert and things that I’ve implemented in my life that have helped boost my confidence and I hope they help you too!

Misconceptions of the Introvert

The word introvert is derived from the latin terms “Intro” meaning inwards and “Vertere” to turn, so together they mean “to turn inward”.

According to Carl Jung, it was just a matter of energy, where it’s directed and where it comes from. Since Introvert's gain energy inwardly, they are misperceived as antisocial, shy or perhaps even awkward.  

But that’s not always the case, because someone who is an introvert can still enjoy interactions but may prefer to experience it in small doses. They have a preference for deeper conversations and enjoy their own company. They’re also usually introspective. They can thrive in so-called “extraverted” roles but still need alone time to rejuvenate. 

In fact, some introverts can actually be crazy once you get close to them aka me.

Confidence, on the other hand, is usually associated with extraverted people. 

People think that confidence coincides with how out-going, energetic or expressive you are. However that’s not really the case.

The word “confidence” is derived from the Latin terms ‘con’ (with) and ‘fidere’ (trust). Confidence means to have trust or belief in something or someone.

So you can be a very loud, outgoing person but still lack confidence OR you can be a reserved, quiet person that exudes self-confidence. 

Either way, confidence is what will propel you forward in life, allowing you to take chances, embrace challenges and build a solid relationship with yourself that will carry through with your relationships with others.

Journey to Confidence: Inner and Outer

How I was able to get to this point is by addressing two things: Inner confidence and outer confidence. Inner confidence refers to the positive relationship, perceptions, and emotions you hold towards yourself. 

This was the biggest block I experienced.

I was so worried about others judging me, looking like a fool, or wanting acceptance from others but here are the things I did to change that.

Inner Confidence: Steps to Embrace Yourself

1. Get to know your subconscious self

Not gonna lie, this process was definitely challenging but worth it. I faced my insecurities head on and wrote it all down. 

Over the course of a few days, I practiced being mindful and observant of what I was habitually thinking. Each time I noticed a thought that was disempowering or negative, I took note and wrote it all down on a list.

Based on the thoughts I wrote down, I would reflect and pinpoint the beliefs where these thoughts were coming from. 

By the end of this exercise, I was so surprised to see just how negative of a self concept I had and  how negatively I viewed the world. No wonder I was so fearful and lacked self-confidence. However because of this, I also learned so much about myself that allowed me to extend self compassion.

2. Challenge negative thoughts and beliefs

Next thing I did was challenge my dialogues and beliefs by thinking about evidence contrary to that thought.

I would also replace the thought with a more reasonable or positive thought and write this alternative thought down.

I even went to the extent of sleeping with these belief tracks on at night which made a huge difference and in fact I still do this every night.

It was all about rewiring my subconscious mind to think differently. 

3. Embrace the vulnerable process and be patient 

Treat yourself with kindness and understanding. Building confidence takes time and when you’re shifting how you talk to yourself or think about the world, it may seem strange at first but over time you start to get more comfortable and it’ll slowly get easier. 

When I was doing all the inner work, I would have nightmares and I would start crying out of nowhere. However, It felt like everything that was blocking me internally, was finally coming out and I’d feel more secure and so much better afterwards. 

During this time, your state of being may waver so try some things to regulate your nervous system such as breath-work, exercise or even resting.

Outer Confidence: Presenting Yourself to the World

Now let’s move on to outer confidence. Outer confidence is how you present yourself to the world and this part will feel more effortless once you’ve done the inner work. 

Developing outer confidence is what will help you feel comfortable with yourself and the world around you. This ease and self-assurance can help you navigate your social interactions.

1. Check your Posture

In 2010, A study was conducted from Colombia and Harvard universities to see if power poses could produce any positive changes to someone's psyche, behaviors and hormones. 

Turns out, high power poses that are more open and expansive as opposed to low power poses that are more closed off, have shown to elevate the dominance hormone testosterone, reduce the stress hormone cortisol, and increase feelings of power.

Whenever I’m not feeling confident, I’m usually hunched over and closed off but an instant change in your body’s posture is a great way to shift out of that.

2. Dress up in ways that make you feel confident.

Now this doesn’t necessarily mean following what’s trending right now but to shake things up a little, especially when it comes to how you dress or style yourself.

One of my favorite things to watch are makeover shows and you can immediately see the client’s confidence sky rocket just by changing how they dress up. 

You can also learn your face shapes, color analysis or color psychology to tap into different emotions.

This is a great time to experiment with everything. Have fun with it.

3. Engage in interests that make you feel empowered.

Engaging in activities that align with your strengths or interests naturally brings out a source of passion or enthusiasm within you. It’s also a great way to connect with others and feel authentic in your interactions. 

Sometimes you may not feel comfortable because the environment you’re in is probably not something you can relate to. 

So whether it’s participating in a hobby you love or joining a community related to your interests, you can significantly boost your confidence, which can positively impact how others perceive you without having to sacrifice your authenticity. 

Embracing Your Confident Introverted Self

Being a confident introvert is about embracing that side of you while cultivating both inner and outer confidence. It's understanding that introversion isn't a limitation but a unique aspect of your personality that can be leveraged to your advantage. 

Some of the most charismatic individuals are those who are comfortable with themselves, openly share their thoughts and emotions without fear of judgment. 

You can embody presence without being overly energetic, make a statement without being outspoken, and radiate warmth without having to force strong emotions. 

Being an introvert is not something to be ashamed of but celebrated. It's a beautiful aspect of who you are that shouldn't hold you back but rather empower you to live your best life.

I hope this letter was helpful for you. Till next time. 

Love,

Clarity.